Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Top 10 Sexiest Caribbean Artists

You wouldn't see a list like this on Amazon would you? The Caribbean is home to what are in my opinon some of the most beautiful women in the entire world. Whatever you like, we have it! And, of course, that is reflected in our music, which is just as varied as our looks. Thus, I submit for your approval, the cream of the crop, the Queens of Queens, the walking, talking murdahs.The Top 10 Sexiest Caribbean Artists in the World.

10.Misty Jean - Haiti, Kompas

Me still trying to figure out exactly what Kompa/Compa is and I’ve already identified my favourite artist and practitioner of the bouncy sounding Zouk-ish music, Misty Jean. I’ve actually known her name for quite awhile (I think the first time would have been on a Haitian mixtape headed by Wyclef or Top Adlerman) but now having a face and a frame to place with the name and WOW. Cutie! Misty Jean looks like someone you went to high school or college with, she is the ‘everyday, regular girl’ exaggerated with small hints of OOOOOH, here and there.

The look: The average girl. Like I said, Misty Jean has special herbs and spices which may very well set her apart from that type of girl, or she just may very well be her. Regardless, there seems to be something very COMFORTING there (at least for me, Misty is virtually twins with my ex) about her appeal which is definitely a plus.

The persona: PLAYFUL. That helps in the physical as well: I THINK Misty used to be a bit overweight, because she dances like a fat girl and I could honestly watch that all day! She also, at her best, makes very enjoyable music whether fast or slower paced she just loves the jump up (she recently heavily played Haiti Carnival apparently).


09.Faye-Ann Lyons Alvarez - Trinidad, Soca

To be perfectly honest, Faye-Ann may just belong higher on this list but she, even less than probably anyone else on this list, parlays her OBVIOUS sex appeal into even more success. Also, maybe it’s just me but, even in spite of the fact that you can go at it pretty much completely naked, Soca Music is one so powerful that you can ALMOST overlook the flesh for the jump or the wine.

The look: Faye-Ann’s greatest physical asset in my opinion is VERY unusual. Not because she’s the only one who has it, but because of the fact that because the new mother just had a child, it’s not known if she’ll ever have it again. Assuming she will, look at the woman’s FIGURE. Far from being a full figured woman, but the curves she does have are in all the right places, she is a walking, talking hourglass and she made women all over the Caribbean book a few extra sessions at the gym with the outfit she pulled off at 2008 Soca Monarch. And Faye-Ann’s face is highlighted by the most charming and cute gap which is so well hidden behind a mic, you might just not know that she had it at all.

The persona: STRONG. Faye-Ann is literally SOAKED in CONFIDENCE, she absolutely exudes it, through her skin. You’d think she won every award there was to win every year and not just that one and with this outstanding year, it only figures to grow. So confident is Faye-Ann that it extends from her, to her husband and even to their fans. I SO wouldn’t be surprised if Faye-Ann was a bit ‘tomboyish’ back when she was a kid as she very much so has that ‘go get em’ attitude even today.


08.Thayna - Guadeloupe, Zouk

Young Thayna is the woman with two, or three, or four different looks. On one hand, I’ve seen her look downright geeky and nerdy, but on the next, you could make a good case for her being #1 on this list even. The first of three Zouk artists on this list, Thayna’s undeniable appeal will simply reel you in and when she gets you, what you’ll find is one of the strongest young Zouk talents currently in the game, period.

The look: Which one? The nerdy Thayna isn’t at all UNATTRACTIVE, she looks quite harmless and has somewhat of a college student feel to her. HOWEVER, when she gets nice and dolled up, such as she did on her RIDICULOUS album cover for her debut album, Nouveau Depart, last year and then you’re dealing with someone drop dead gorgeous. Make no mention of the ‘surprises’ she ‘carries’ after you dig into the liners for the album (she is a very well endowed woman, is how I’ll say it) before reverting back to the cover for a pair of eyes that can stop time.

The persona: TWO OF THEM. My little knowledge of Thayna would lead me to believe that she is definitely less of the sultry Soca Diva you’ll find later on this list and more of the shy unassuming type, likely to play hard to get. But, look at that face again and ask yourself: Do you really care???


07.Nnika Francis - Grenada, Soca

Of course Nnika didn’t deserve to be on a TnT Soca Monarch stage last year and of course shenanigans were abound and of course controversy, controversy and controversy. But Nnika, you sexy! Along with one other person on this list, Nnika is SO my tastes, she doesn’t look like her in the face much none at all, but she is shaped like my own wife. Chocolate skin, curves in all the right places and more than a little flesh on her bones.

The look: While I’ve seen more than a few questionable hair care decisions on her part, apart from that Nnika, to my tastes, is the total package like I said. The chest, the HIPS! DAT ASS! And, of course, love the chocolatey, wonderfully skin. The greatest compliment I’ve ever heard paid to her is when my 18 year old cousin (who is also Grenadian) said about Nnika Francis, “She looks like she smells good”. Indeed, and the face looks like the stereotypical ‘girl next door’ adorable and completely approachable.

The persona: BOUNCY. Confidence is a trait shared by most female Soca artist and certainly Francis isn’t lacking in that department, however, I’d also say that she would be one of the COOLER and more leveled headed Soca artists as well, which isn’t a bad thing exactly.


06.Tanya St-Val - Guadeloupe/Martinique, Zouk

The elder stateswoman on this list, Tanya St-Val is a bonafide Zouk SUPERSTAR. The mid 40’s singer is still just as BEAUTIFUL as anyone on this list. She simply personifies and OOZES what is Zouk music. It is sensual and playful at the same time and she is all of that. So much so is that a part of Tanya St-Val that one of the most wonderful things you’ll ever see her do, is getting interviewed, her voice is just as sexy as the total package.

The look: I believe St-Val to have an immediate heritage which includes some East Indian parentage which would explain her EXOTIC looks to say the least (Thayna may also have some of the same ancestry). She somewhat reminds me of one of my favourite actresses, one Tisha Campbell, at times. Her looks are CLASSIC, everything about her screams CLASS and, yes, you may very well want to do. . . Yeah, but you almost have to feel a bit embarrassed and that your punishment is forthcoming (not that I’d have a problem with that). Tanya St-Val is just a lovely, lovely creature.

The persona: MATURE. The persona is classy also and like I said, it is literally the human form of the music she sings. She can be the sultry Zouk Diva, she can be the playful and almost Soca-ish type and she can also be the serious type, all in all, you just cannot ask for more.


05.D’Angel - Jamaica, Dancehall

Took one lady to tame both Dancehall’s largest names, Beenie Man and Bounty Killer and because at least half (and probably more at this early stage) of her career insofar has been marred in controversy it seemed as if it took people awhile to wise up to the facts: DAMN! D’Angel is sexy! Now they’re appreciating the skills of the not so surprising former model as a DJ, but she sure does cast a LOVELY site!

The look: I’ve had the pleasure of actually meeting and shaking hands with D’Angel two or three times now and she can be downright DEVASTATING! She has a look which appears ALWAYS as if she is simply a painting and every bit of her appeal was carefully crafted by some master artist somewhere (insert Beenie Man joke here). The result of that is rather easily (whether you want to admit it or not) a beauty which is SO appealing and marketable for the masses and just fine! She is Jamaica’s version of Tyra Banks also, as she has JUST A HINT of the unpolished but cool gyal from Spanish Town she is at heart.

The persona: REFINED. Despite all of the OBVIOUS effort to believe otherwise, D’Angel is quite a cool person (she signed like four autographs for my niece) and she has, in almost every public situation I’ve seen her in post-foolishness era, come off quite well. She also spends quite a bit of time working with charities, especially with youth girls. Sexy with a heart. Gotta love it.



04.Alaine - Jamaica, Reggae/Dancehall

If the forthcoming Sweety isn’t my favourite then CERTAINLY that distinction goes to Alaine on a musical level. Probably the best way to describe her is the second coming of Nadine Sutherland (who could also have been on this list) as just a BEAUTIFUL and NECESSARY singer in the game. Alaine’s music is just about as beautiful and lovely as she is as well: You look like that and can sing a song like that??? Are you perfect?

The look: Try really hard to find a picture of Alaine NOT showing off what is clearly her greatest physical asset: That downright INFECTIOUS SMILE. Alaine is, as a whole (no pun intended) probably not as attractive as some of the women whom she outranks on this list, but her smile is EASILY the best on this list, she makes you want to smile!

The persona: PRISTINE. Alaine has all the makings of someone who RARELY screws up at anything and as strange as it sounds, we need someone like that in Dancehall today. She is the complete opposite bookend to the Vybz Kartels and Bounty Killers of the world and as her combinations show with the likes of Beenie Man, Beres Hammond and most recently Tarrus Riley, simply her presence makes people want to do better.



03.Lady Sweety - Guadeloupe, Dancehall

From a strictly musical standpoint, Gwada born infallible wordstress Lady Sweety is probably my favourite artist on this list altogether. What didn’t necessarily appeal to me when listening to her second album (which I thought was her first), self titled, was how sexy she was. As I said with Nnika, she was one of two who fit my personal tastes COMPLETELY, Lady Sweety is the other and perhaps even more than Nnika.

The look: Short, compact and curvaceous in all the right areas, CLEAR, STRONG and virtually undiluted Afrikan lineage reflected in that wonderful chocolate which wraps her body and a smile as cool as it is captivating. I don’t know if she has children (I’m pretty sure she does, however) but she also has a somewhat of a MOTHERLY look to her and I like that (I live and am married to one after all) which comes across as very comforting in her appeal as well.
The persona: THE PARADOX. Lady Sweety’s name is only somewhat applicable if you simply listen to her music and even look at her. She makes big and bad sounding music (like Ils Veulent Savoir) at one time and tries to project this bad gyal image (also check the MADNESS that is They Call Me Sweety on the massive Gang War Riddim), but in the very next spin, you’ll hear her big hit Chewing Gum or Fraggle Up (yep, you know how it sounds). You can’t make sense of it, neither can I and probably she can’t either. Nevertheless, sexy and pretty much anything you want her to be (and good at it!). Winner all over.



02.Jessye Belleval - Guadeloupe, Zouk

The sleeper on the list? Jessye Belleval is one of my favourite Zouk singers right now. Much like another of my favourites Fanny, she also just happens to be PERFECT in pitch and tone for singing Zouk music, she rarely, if ever at all, sings a bad note in her songs. Well, you do just a bit more research about young Jessye (who may very well be older than I am actually) and you discover that she is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. . . Jessye I would not leave my wife for you, but the fact that I feel compelled to address that even though no one asked me (and it isn’t like it’s a possibility of it or anything) should tell you something. The woman is FLAWLESS, her look encompasses everything, she looks very young and energetic, but you get closer to her and you see there is a certain maturity to her as well.

The look: Jessye Belleval’s physical appearance is all the more appealing because it doesn’t look as if it takes her great lengths to arrive there (unlike the Peter Parker <> Spiderman like transition Thayna seems to undergo, and I say that with no disrespect). While certainly there would be some work, I would venture to guess that when she rolls out of bed first thing in the morning, she would be just as sexy, if not even more. I almost wish she were Jamaican or even American, however, as it stands, I and the rest of the Zouk loving world will GLADLY keep her to ourselves!

The persona: MYSTERIOUSLY SWEET. In the way she acts and comes off Jessye Belleval kind of reminds me of Alaine in the sense of the PRISTINE effect and appearance. However, in her field, the spotless world of Zouk, it’s a lot more difficult to standout because of that, than in the downtrodden groundzero that the Dancehall tends to be these days. I think it’s because Jessye has a bit of a secret, her eyes tell me that a little, although whatever it is, I’m not sure she even knows or care. I know I don’t, keep looking like that!



#1#1#1#1 Ce'cile - Jamaica, Dancehall
The Sexiest Caribbean Artist for me was a no-brainer when I started this list and despite the fact that I SERIOUSLY though of switching her out for either Lady Sweety or Jessye Belleval didn’t compromise her standing at all in the end. Were this a list of longevity alone, Tanya St-Val would be here; were this a list purely on looks, either D’Angel or Jessye Belleval would be top ranking; Personality? Of course we could slot Alaine here. . .
But all of those things combined and you get one answer.
Ce’cile. Fans of Dancehall have (literally and figuratively) watched Ce’cile grow up over the past decade or so in the business. Once destined to be the obvious heir to Lady Saw’s throne as the Queen of Dancehall, she hasn’t exactly waited for Saw to abdicate and has become THE most popular female pure Dancehall artist in the world over the last couple of years. Her looks have grown with her as well. Once lauded and criticized for her babyish looks (the cheeks!), Ce’cile (cheeks still there) is full on WOMAN now. SEXY, FINE, ATTRACTIVE, GORGEOUS WOMAN! Her personality is also right along with that. She is and has always been a little rough around the edges, she doesn’t make friends all of the time (think back to how she came on the scene with Changez and then later with Do It To Me), but should you talk to her, she is a very nice and sweet person. She is also the sexiest Caribbean artist in the world, period.

1 comment:

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