Completely Random Thoughts Vol. 6: Dancing Like We're Making Love

"Dancing Like We're Making Love"

I don’t engage in the practice myself, at least not to any even remotely consistent degree, but there’re quite a few people amongst us who tend to favour music in those very private and intimate moments, in some cases to simply spruce up (or to pull down, depending on what you’re into) or maybe even to ‘close the deal’. Me? Nope. I think hearing someone else’s voice while making love besides my own (and sometimes not even that) and hers, is kind of creepy, but I digress. Still, if you examine it from the musical selection side things can get quite interesting. In the scope of the music we discuss on this blog, I think things are crystal clear what the best choice for ‘baby making music’ might be, but I thought it’d be quite interesting to examine it in more detail, because I could be wrong. Let’s examine.

Dancehall

First of all there’s Dancehall which certainly offers quite a bit of sexual music, both specific and in general terms. And these days it’s pretty evident that the greatest purveyor of audio pornography in the Dancehall, is of course Vybz Kartel. Now if you’re listening to Kartel when you’re with your special woman, then that’s strange as hell, but I’m not the one to judge. Still, you have to admit that something is SERIOUSLY wrong if you’re listening to:

In your bedroom. AND WRONG ON SOOOOOOOOO MANY LEVELS also. The proper choice from the lyrics demon from Portmore, in terms of popular tunes, would more likely be former hit ‘Ramping Shop’ alongside Spice:

This tune, in terms of pacing would presumably be pretty good in the bedroom. Of course, Spice being more consistently on board would help things (but her voice isn’t very enticing either) (all of that sexy ass chocolate, on the other hand, IS). So . . . I’m not trying it of course, but you give it a shot and tell me what you think.

To balance things out, I thought that I’d draw for a female and if you don’t know which one I’m thinking of, then you’re slow. Ce’cile certainly would seem to be a nice choice, so let’s go there. She has dozens of tunes of all types of variety which would qualify as being romantic and, again of so many different tempos that you may very well find something you would like in her catalogue. The tune which IMMEDIATELY came to my head was a one from a few years back by the name of ‘Teddy Bear’, but certainly there’s also:

{note: All Day = At least how long I could happily watch Ce'Cile grind her ass up against that speaker}

But ‘Waiting’. I mean come on Ce’Cile what’re you trying to say (**wink wink**). Other possible choices from the ‘Bad Gyal’s’ batch would be tunes like ‘Hot Like That’ [Throwback Giggy Riddim] and of course, for the risqué, the Lady G approved and Lovindeer disapproved ‘Do It To Me’:

(and the crowd says, “I’m a grown ass man. I’ll do what I like. Thank you very much”)

(and I thought I’d just throw this in as a bonus because she seems to have lost her clothes in it, again, thank you very much)

In the more traditional cases there’s Lover’s Rock and who actually can put a number on exactly how many babies were conceived while young couples listened to tunes from Beres Hammond, Sanchez, Maxi Priest and others over the years (maybe even yours truly). Still, in this era. I think things are WHOLLY clear as to who to go to here, with the divine and angelic Alaine being the clear favourite here as she has spent the last few years basically stockpiling ultra-romantic vibes (even when she wasn’t trying to) (see ‘Lover‘s Prayer‘ from the Dreaming Riddim).

Roots

Hilarious! Who amongst you is going to be the FIRST (and hopefully only) to admit that they find the rather mentally captivating, yet COMPLETELY cryptic tones of someone like Vaughn Benjamin to be romantic? If you are such a brave heart then enjoy:

To be far more serious (and still FAR from completely serious) thinking of music in this subgenre (and briefly doing so) which generally doesn’t make itself available to being romantic very much (and when it does, reviewers like me tend to say that a particular artist is “working in a little bit ore Lover’s Rock” or something like that we‘ll say to make ourselves sound really really smart) I’m driven to a few artists who stand out from the rest. The first is definitely Pressure Buss Pipe who, besides the mega-hit ‘Love & Affection’, recently filed an entire album full of more such tunes with ‘Coming Back To You’. There’s also Etana, whose rather delightful nature, much like Alaine’s tends to offer romance even when it doesn’t seem quite intended to be so and I shouldn’t be so damn dense and ignore someone ‘She’s Royal’ and ‘Stay With You’ from Tarrus Riley, even though I wanted to. My wife LOVES both and yours probably does to:

Soca

Okay. There’s two types (at least) of Soca and definitely only two types that I’m going to discuss here. The first is my beloved ‘Jump Up’ brand of Soca. NOW! If you can make love to something like. . . Oh I don’t know, THIS:

This:

Or even this (despite the fact that it's one of the greatest tunes ever made in history ever):

Then you probably have a problem - with your back - and you’re probably just a really fucked up person in general. BUT! There’s also groovy Soca, which for the always careful and concerned lover may also be too damn fast, but excuse me if I find this tune to be INCREDIBLY sexy:

So push Patrice Roberts’ name to the forefront of that very romantic style of music (in my own personal opinion), but if you’re looking for something to play for your special lady, you’d most surely look to artists like Shurwayne Winchester or Biggie Irie (and biggup Jalena too):

Zouk

Now with all of that being said, like I alluded to, there is still one clear favourite type of music which is ALWAYS romantic and is the clear choice in my opinion. Zouk. Zouk is that type of music that almost INHERENTLY lends itself to making people feel a little . . . Yeah:

It’s just SOOOOOOOOO laid back and SOOOOOOOOOO beautiful that you reach a point while listening that it almost becomes a chore to get out of bed (or off the floor, or out of the shower, or off the countertop) (the kitchen sink) (the truck) (the patio) (the ferry):

So much so is this the case that I can just randomly find something ANYWHERE and it will MOST CERTAINLY be a sexy song. Let’s see:

There you go! I don’t know this tune AT ALL and I don’t even find this woman to be particularly attractive (whoever she is) (she isn’t unattractive at all either), but the tune is a very romantic song.

And it never stops. I can keep going:

It goes on and on forever and ever. The SEXIEST music in the world. Period.